How to better phrase your startup vision?

1. Traditional Business Models are definitely outdated. 3-5 years projections based on hypothesis is a wast of your time. Garbage in garbage out, what can you expect more. It simply give banker or investors power to kick your ass. As pointed out in "Founder at work" it is required to start but it will be mutated so don't wast too much time on it. 
2. Lean startup and the usage of continuous innovation is definitely a good approach to iterate faster but you need a starting point. 
3.  Business model canvas and a marketing plan is definitely the optimal approach I found to build a starting point of your iteration process. 

But there is something missing. You have to answer some key questions. Why am I doing this? How long do you want to commit? What level of financial risk are you prepared to take?

You need to answers keys questions and have answers and understand the 9 elements of a successful business model. This will help you clarify your vision and lead to your financial strategy and help you better identify who you need as advisory board and employees. 

Now if you have a unique product or concept, a passionate founding team and a large potential market you will be most likely in a intense competition landscape and will need to move rapidly. 

At this point, you will need a good template for a deck.  The best inspiration I have found is the one from Ryan Spoon deck on how to create an early-stage pitch deck for investors. Don't forget your great one liner and to tell a story. Your deck will be shared.  

Don't forget, if your are looking for cash you will most likely fail. Find smarter people then you to improve your business and you will most likely hit 2 birds at the same time.